@bourgeoisalien: I thought my cat was just quiet. Found out he's been seething with anger for 8 years. But in a really, really cute way.
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@joejwest: ME: Pet it OPTIMUS PRIME: But I'm afraid of it ME: It's just a dog OP: Oh..ok [reaches out] DOG: [sneezes] OP: [transforms into large truck]
@leathershirts: the iPhone 8 won't even come with headphones you'll have to imagine you're listening to music
@samfromks: I told my 3 year old that Skittles are Care Bear meat and now I have the bag to myself.
@rablivingstone: People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2014 they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys.