@SamDelanche: I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
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@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
@Kelly_skeleton: Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
@longwall26: May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean