@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.
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@roostermustache: Me: if u take an opinion and subtract 3.14, you're just left with onion. pretty crazy huh Girl at the bar im flirting with: *takes 9 shots*
@SeanBlazed: The best thing about the Transformers trilogy was the part in the first one when my brother went to go get popcorn and fell down the aisle.
@MartaEffing: Therapist: Do you project your problems onto others? Me: Don't flip out, but I feel like you're asking me that to make yourself look smart.