@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.
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@online_shawn: Pardon the mess, the dog startled me and I threw my shrimp scampi into the ceiling fan
@sweetmissashley: Oh, your pet loves you more than anyone else? No shit, if you controlled when I ate I'd be obsessed with you too.
@BigHeb7: Free advice: Saying "meaty shaft" in a corporate meeting is like saying bomb on an airplane.