@FuckabillyRex: I thought she said "tantrum sex" and this is probably the most I've ever disappointed a woman.
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@juanadog: Say, hypothetically, I was stuck in an air vent over a dressing room at Lane Bryant. What kind of legal issues am I dealing with?
@LetMeStart: My outfit today says "I'm going for a run in the fresh air and maybe do some yoga afterwards." My outfit is full of lies.
@squirrel74wkgn: [on a first date] Her: I don’t like guns Me: *casually unrolls my t-shirt sleeves*