@bambimygirl: I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
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@yerpalmildsauce: Here it is, folks: "Do imaginary octopi have ... (wait for it) (wait for it) PRETENDACLES?"
@murrman5: I read that you should treat every night with your wife like your first date so after the movie tonight I'm dropping her off at her parents
@dril: i am developing a ground brekaing new app called "MOneyWallet", where you earn "Money Points" by mailing cash to my house
@smhluckyme: Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo? Romeo: God woman, can I just take a shit in peace?