@bambimygirl: I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
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@TitansHomer: Just saw a guy at the gym with only 1 arm. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is? Seriously, I don't know, I'm leaving...
@GrantTanaka: me: [being beaten w/ nightstick] are u a virgo cop: GET ON THE GROUND me: that's such a virgo thing to say
@JamieLinks: Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.