@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@donni: MAYOR: I now present you a key to the city ME: So long, suckers! *hops in city and drives away* MAYOR: Come back! I need that for work!
@novicefather: [cuddling] her: what are you thinking about? me: these pretzels are making me thirsty
@Haha_No_Mofo: My doctor told me, "DON'T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
@dafloydsta: [asking a girl out] ME: So do you have a dog? HER: Yes, I do. She's very playful. ME: *nervously* Do you know if she's busy later?