@bourgeoisalien: I threw my cat a surprise party. Long story short, I need 30 stitches and learned I should never scream 'SURPRISE' directly in my cat's face
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HatfieldAnne: “As the crow flies” means something entirely different when it's “in your living room” and you are “hiding in the closet with your cat.”
@Bob_Janke: An 8 year old just asked me why people in electric cars don't get electrocuted when it rains and now we're checking Google
@papasuncle: If you watch 2016 backwards, it's a heartwarming story of how celebrities can come back to life just by trending on the Internet.