@desi_princess: I told my boss I'm calling in sick today. He said, "You can't do that when you're already here." Is that true you guys?
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@rodney_at_large: If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly".
@QwertyJones3: Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness.
@Cheese_Pile: *Sees girl trying to reach soup on top shelf* "Here let me get that" I say [Beacuse I'm much taller] *I put the soup in my cart & walk away*
@Probgoblin: I run down a hospital corridor, clutching the mustard dispenser I liberated from the cafeteria. Earlier I had a plan. Now I have mustard.