@MeetYourDaddy: I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. he cried. then he hugged My brother & me.
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@see_more13: When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, "Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better." Well played, Mom. Well played.
@thepatrickwalsh: My dad's visiting soon, which means I need to practice apologizing to waiters with my eyes.
@MikeCanRant: You have to put a potato in the microwave to push the potato button. Other things dont turn into potatoes. *brought to you by Bounty*
@RelatabIe: whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can