@KevinBuffalo: I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese's pieces
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@Social_Mime: *calls restaurant* Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant? Host: Of course it is sir *hangs up*
@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
@ibid78: "Ok last interview question. Biggest weakness?" "People say I'm too hospitable." "I see. So should I stop sitting on your lap?" "Your call."
@JH_Moncrieff: "I don't understand...we're a grocery store. Do we really need an editor on staff?" Yes. Yes, you do.