@discountzen: I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up.
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@ParaComedian09: If only ISIS had kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter, none of this would be an issue.
@Shock_Monster: Nurse: It's just a little prick.. Me: That's what my gf said! N: Ha M: Haha N: HAHA M: HAHAHA! N: You don't have a gf, do you? M: No.
@bombsydoll: in high school I was voted 'who is that? does she even go to our school? Never saw her before'