@discountzen: I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up.
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@MomOnFire: If you love someone, give them a possum in a box. Then you'll know how they react in a panic and you might change your mind.
@AbbyHasIssues: Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world. Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.