@Firawesome: I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?
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@ddsmidt: Never give your address or date of birth to anyone on social media. Armed with this information, they could show up at your birthday party.
@deenasjoint: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
@internetluke: Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird Mom: like hell I'll buy that kid anything..