@House_Feminist: I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around
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@alldrolledup: One of my favorite things about kids is that you only have to feed them once a week
@ItsAndyRyan: What idiot called it 'telling the future through tea-leaves' and not 'brews foresight'?
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: this year, can you put the santa presents out for the kids christmas morning? GUY WHO NEVER FOUND OUT SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL: what