@House_Feminist: I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around
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@amhw: Coffee: Because when you're groggy and barely coherent, the first thing you should do is handle a scalding hot cup of liquid.
@GrantTanaka: me: [getting stabbed] dog: [sleeping] me: [on fire] dog: [sleeping] me: [screaming for help] dog: [sleeping] me: [taking a dump while eating string cheese] dog: [head between my legs] so whatcha doing
@Fred_Delicious: "tell me doc, is it bad news?" "you've got piles" ... "piles of health that is! LOL" ... "except in your legs. gonna have to amputate those"