@malber: I totally baby-proofed my house, but one still got in.
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@PaperWash: [stranded on Mars] me: [journal day 1] I have enough rations for 300 maybe 400 days me: [journal day 2] I am out of rations
@iGreenMonk: I'm so embarrassed. I just learned that that Pringles holder on my treadmill is for water bottles!
@david8hughes: The plumber came to fix the toilet & said, "Where is the water main?" so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."
@jessokfine: When someone says "women like you" to me, I assume they're referring to extremely powerful wizards.