@malber: I totally baby-proofed my house, but one still got in.
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@_GrahamPatrick: MAN: See my tattoo? It says "Only God can judge me." GOD: That shirt with those pants?
@duumb: Prison Guard: *evil laugh* I'm going to do a cavity search. Me, who has never had a cavity because I brush regularly: I look forward to it!
@sfreeze6: Eye of the tiger. Nose of the lion. Mouth of the lynx. Ear of the bobcat. Throat of the cougar. Forehead of the ocelot.