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@rodney_at_large: I tried oscillating once. Not a fan.
@iwearaonesie: *pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we - stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
@alive_and_dying: You wouldn't hate anything about yourself if the world hadn't taught you how.
@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."
@iGreenMonk: Love is a battlefield. And I fight naked.
@nayomeewallace: Sometimes all you need,
is 500 million dollars.