@Nikkeya08: I tried playing dead to see how my 6 yr old would react... turns out if i die he'll poke me and go down stairs and eat chips...
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@HelmdawgE: My signature move is asking a co-worker wearing a suit on dress down Fridays, "how did the job interview go?" in front of everyone.
@ProdigyNelson: Her: when you said "magical in bed" this isn't exactly what I was exp- Me: *holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card Her: *softly* holy shit
@KenJennings: People you mute should stay in your TL but with a piece of tape over their avatar mouth and their tweets all like "Mmmp mm mmmph rf mph."
@thenatewolf: My Grandpa used to gather us around to tell us stories about surviving World War Two. My dad just gathered us around to watch a YouTube clip of an Asian child playing “Africa” by Toto on a rubber chicken.