@ch000ch: i tried to ask a girl out today but i messed up my words and accidentally summoned a demon. anyway, whats a good first date for a demon
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@DeronH: A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"
@NikiWithIssues: A cool fun way to stop his snoring so you can finally get some sleep is to separate the head from the body.
@joshgondelman: I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.
@mompsychologist: Sorry to all the people my 3yo has yelled at for eating ice cream in a car. Telling him it was illegal was wrong. I know this now.