@Sickayduh: I tried to kill a spider by drowning it in douche and now it keeps picking fights with me on social media
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@platinum2000: I make out with a squirrel at a party one time, and now everyone is scared of me? That's just ridiculous, he was dead for at least 2 hours.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: Did you buy eggs? ME: Even better. I bought a goat. W: How is that better? M: *stares confusedly for a full minute* How is it not?