@markleggett: I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.
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@joeldanger: Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good.
@jonnysun: hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER
@iscoff: If two people on opposite sides of the world drop a piece of bread on the ground at the same time the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich