@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.
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@weinerdog4life: The first thing you'll need if you're planning on stealing an ostrich from the zoo is a car with a sunroof
@Amiigat: When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
@XplodingUnicorn: My kids challenged me to a cartwheel contest. Long story short, now my chiropractor has a new boat.
@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.