@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.
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@Reverend_Scott: [kisses daughter goodnight] Sleep tight. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Amazon. "Why's it take 9 months?" Shipping. Go to sleep.
@Cheeseboy22: A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
@AdderallMomma: I've been contemplating legally changing my name to 'An End', so that all good things must come to me.