@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.
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@BitchyJasmine: Bob: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
@MrAdamBez: I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. ... Wait.
@BeamishBoi: *throws goods on conveyor belt* Cashier: is that all sir? Me:"Nope. You got change for a trophy?"
@BlindVigil: Here's my ONLY problem with Evolution: When the chocolate chip evolved, how did the raisin not go extinct?