@inigoomontoya: I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people
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@PaperWash: me: God? God: yes my child me: I need help- God: ask and thou shall receive me: -moving into my new apt God: me: God: me: hello?
@TheTobbie: CASHIER: 300. ME: Ha, like the movie. CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld. ME: Ha, like the comedian. CASHIER: ... ME: Ha, like a mime...
@SortaBad: Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute