@abbycohenwl: I try to often think "human meat is gristly" in case hungry aliens are reading my thoughts
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@TravLeBlanc: The first of Jay-Z's 99 problems is the obsessive compulsive disorder that requires him to know his precise number of problems at all times.
@AndrewNadeau0: IDEAL UBER DRIVER: -Clean car -Doesn’t talk to me during drive -Plays good music -When he drops me off tells me he’s my father who left when I was 4 & has secretly followed my life and has always been proud of me
@Prof_Hinkley: *my windows are foggy and my car is rocking in the McDonald's parking lot but it's just me inside eating Big Macs*