@cray_at_home_ma: I tucked my kids in last night and said, "See you in the morning!" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.
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@0point5twins: "Boss, I've got a probl-" "There are no such things as problems, only opportunities" "Oh, ok. I've got a serious drinking opportunity"
@batkaren: I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks.
@BlindVigil: "To label you "divine" would be to capture but a fraction of your resplendence. ... and could you pleeeeease grab an Oreo while you're up?"
@chuuew: [baby taking first step] ME: OMG! He's doing it! BABY: My name is Steve and I'm an alcoholic