@dougbies: I turn hot dog water into ice cubes for house guests I don't like
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@TitansHomer: Him: Can you believe what's going on in Egypt? Me: Yeah...it's crazy...I gotta go. Bye. Me: *googles what's happening in Egypt?*
@EmberToAsh: I wonder how many tragedies I’ve prevented by standing nearby with my hands on my hips saying “Be careful!”
@markleggett: You can eat up to three spiders every night in your sleep, except on "cheat days" when you can eat as many as you like.