@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. Whenever I'm at a job interview and they ask me if I can sit for long periods of time, I want to say "Like a champion."
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@vickykhappy: A lady told me that Autism is punishment for the sins of the parent. That is the story of me punching a lady in a church parking lot.
@: [Being chased by a bear in the snow] Me: Should we hide??! Her: *putting snow on herself* make yourself as white as you can Me *loudly* I find potato salad too spicy
@Brampersandon_: BOSS: There's limited parking at the event so we are going to carpool ME (pulling a pair of floaties out of my desk drawer): oh hell yeah
@CaseyMichelle__: Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here