I use these ( … ) a lot.
For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
You Might Also Like
I considered buying this but the scratches on the lid had me concerned.
A pasta maker is just a Play-doh toy for adults.
STARBUCKS BARISTA: I got a latte here for *squinting* Catheter Zebra Jokes?
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES: *sigh* That’s gotta be mine—
CATHETER ZEBRA JOKES: Hey not so fast, lady.
Aw man, but that’s the best part
Please send me love and light I went on a walk today and I nodded + smiled politely at someone but they were a Halloween decoration.
No one is more shocked that I brought my cat to a baseball game than my cat.
10 wants everyone to know i’m a horrible parent who never lets him have a friend spend the night tonight. even though he and his friend have spent the night at each others houses back and forth since Monday. kbye
If you get nervous when the IT support desk takes control of your computer remember they’re whispering “no weirdos please” to themselves.
[at the pub]
I could survive for six days with everything in the pockets of my cargo shorts.
Her: Quit talking to me
“Everything hurts and I’m always exhausted.”
WebMD: Parenthood
If she shovels shit at the local zoo, then she’s a keeper
girl im dating buying shampoo: I’ll get this one
me looking for a reason to break up with her: coconut and orchids??
(seeing your lamp) you have a pet sun! (touching it, it burns) and i see it’s not trained very well 😐
All right stop, coagulate and thicken
ADHD is being excited to have a looming deadline because it means it’s actually going to be easy to start your work today.
scully: victim died of multiple stab wounds
mulder: *throws her a file* ever heard of the knife alien
[does jerk off motion for 2 hours] and that concludes the hearing impaired translation of the presidential debate. all of them. god bless
[at the club]
Me: …everyone seemed to be just fine with Superman wearing red knee high boots
Her: Just take them off
*Japanese Zen garden tour*
Guide: It’s important to be quiet & not disturb the-
*Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
women will invite you to shower with them then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed
“Are you going to apologize for what you said?”
“I’m sorry I feel that way.”
Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead.
ME: you really put the cute in executione-
WARDEN: alright hit the switch
You are not your own worst enemy.
You have many more enemies.
Drunk octopus wants to fight. He will rip your coat off your back.
The most I’ve ever paid for sex was ‘marriage.’
I’m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it’s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I’m still better than you.
More people would get the booster if it came with fries.
Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don’t worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about
[being murdered]
me: hey are u Scottish
murderer: actually i am
me: then i guess u could say i’m being kilt
[murdering intensifies]