@Cain_Unable: I used to think Pet Insurance was a waste of money but my cat is at the vets & they've sent us a really lovely little courtesy cat.
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@rivetingbonmots: There is no "I" in the word "team," but I don't think that means anything about team work. That's just how it's spelled.
@TheSadnesses: [elevator] “Wanna buy a spoon?” Huh, no, why? [elevator slowly fills with pudding] [opens briefcase filled with spoons] [sheepishly] Yes.
@heidi420x: I haven't been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn't lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I've told to cops.
@JB4Realz: Turns out, the guy who invented CPR just liked kissing strangers then punching them in the chest.