@just1fool: I used to want to live in the sewers with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid so I'd say I'm a success compared to that.
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@iamburtjarvis: [starbucks] me: can i take some wifi home with me? barista: um. sure(?) me: [holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid] thanks.
@brandonIee: Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked
@cdncyn: I changed my name in my daughters phone to God.... I texted her and said "I saw that" You should of seen her face Priceless
@theshantilly: *glamorously folds laundry *seductively wipes off countertops *slowly bends over to pick up toys *sexily trips over the cat...