@just1fool: I used to want to live in the sewers with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a kid so I'd say I'm a success compared to that.
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@SortaBad: *practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] "One grander none-fatty flaparinno" barista: ... "I'll try again tomorrow"
@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
@WilliamAder: Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
@DamienFahey: When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?" I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."