@TheCatWhisprer: I used to watch the Olympics on TV as a child and dream of growing up and also watching the Olympics on TV but on a better TV.
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@DadandBuried: 5yo: I want a snack. M: You can have a yogurt smoothie. 5: I NEED CHOICES! M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing.
@seanoconnz: THIS IS MY LOCKER ROOM TALK GUY: Hey, do you know if they supply towels here? ME: Please don't look at me, my shirt is off.
@TheTweetOfGod: Stuck in church. Everyone’s singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”. Damn, My son has some stupid friends.
@BeamishBoi: That 0.1% of bacteria that no household product can kill is what will inherit our earth