@DadUnderFire: I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach.
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@DothTheDoth: Two squirrels in the backyard. But they are not playing together. Wonder if there's history.
@rebrafsim: [thrift store] Me: I'd like one thrift, please Cashier: sir, we sell used- Me: money is no object C: we don't- M: I need a thrift
@shadygrenade: "30 shots of espresso NOW." *barista's eyes widen* Whoa what do you do for a living? "I STAY AWAKE FOR A LIVING!" *roundhouse kicks barista*
@WonderMonkey78: Atheists don't believe in God or the "i before e except after c" rule of spelling.