@seamusmckracken: I walk around with mentos in my ears so everyone thinks I have an iphone 7.
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@PinkCamoTO: 5: I want to do something no one else has ever done. Me: Help me clean? 5: No. Something fun.
@Tommytoughstuff: [dinner party] *host clinks glass* "Everyone we're having a baby"! *whispers to other guest* "Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."
@Not_From_Troy: I did a survey and asked 5 women what kind of clothing brand they preferred. The 5 responded: "How the hell did you get into my house?"