@burntmybagel: I walk away from auto-flush toilets like movie stars walk away from explosions
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@ipalatsky: - You got so drunk last night, you were dancing on the table in your underwear!! - Me? In my underwear? You must have left early.
@NicCageMatch: Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"