@Manda_like_wine: I walked up to my 9yo and said, "How goes it?" He looks up at me and says, "God is history's greatest serial killer."
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@hazelmotes1: My wife is all, "we love each other so much we finish each other's sentences," until it comes to a prison sentence.
@AZHORSEMOM77: Nothing shows more confidence in humanity that a mom with 4 kids in a drive through not checking the order before she pulls away
@CelebrityChez: In retrospect, "so I guess we would all look the same if we were made into sausage" was probably weird small talk for a funeral.