@Manda_like_wine: I walked up to my 9yo and said, "How goes it?" He looks up at me and says, "God is history's greatest serial killer."
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@matsmoustache: I don't even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullshit.
@OBiiieeee: My dog and I are just drivin around, listenin to music and OMG DOG DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE? PAWS AT 10 AND 2. DO NOT FOLLOW THAT SQUIRREL
@HandyJack420: The Dominos "tracker" says Ashley just left with my pizza so I only have a few minutes to get naked. Just glad it's not Brad... ...again.