@Manda_like_wine: I walked up to my 9yo and said, "How goes it?" He looks up at me and says, "God is history's greatest serial killer."
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@Lpbinder: People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
@Discourt: Things I’ve learned as a mom: Kiss boo boo’s. Say I love you a lot. Snuggle when they ask. Do laundry daily. Hide the good snacks.
@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's a hardware problem.
@CauseWereGuys: My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when i was your age..” and then describing what i did 3 days ago