@FilthyRichmond: I wanna get in touch with those teachers who told me that I have potential, and be like, "Ha! I didn't amount to anything! In your face!"
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: The kids opened the "private" drawer in my nightstand. Me: THE drawer? Wife: Yeah. Great. There go our Oreos.
@pharmasean: A song called "Baby It's Not *THAT* Cold Outside" where I'm just trying to get the lady to leave
@jensenmarie_: Going to dress up as a Jedi today and open automatic doors for people with the force. NO YOU GET A LIFE.