@electrolemon: i wanna see the masterchef jr deleted scenes that HAVE to exist of gordon ramsay calling a kid the c-word for trying to julienne a snickers
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@burntmybagel: My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him "doctor."
@Michael_Erhart: "Now?" "Not yet." "Now?" "Not quite." *Car approaches* "Now?" "Now." -Deer crossing the road
@EJGomez: one time this girl pulled me close & said "I'm the girl your mom warned you about" & I said "so you chose bulbasaur as your starter pokemon"
@TheSharona06: My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though.