@OctopusCaveman: I want a doctor and a lawyer to do commentary on Home Alone and discuss the severity of the injuries and the liability of the homeowners.
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@dave_cactus: ME: *reading my tweets aloud* HER: *spits coffee out* ME: Aww was it that funny? HER: No, I just hate coffee.
@KenJennings: Friday night is my weekly time to ponder...which do I hate more: my friends, or having to make new friends?
@GrantTanaka: [wife comes out wearing pretty dress] me: that's my favorite dress wife: aww, how swee- m: take it off w: but we need to- m: I wanna wear it