@OctopusCaveman: I want a doctor and a lawyer to do commentary on Home Alone and discuss the severity of the injuries and the liability of the homeowners.
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@FeralCrone: I'm wearing black with navy blue today. Fight me. Any bruising will only serve to tie it all together.
@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless
@AnitaHelmet: When it comes to sex, I really need to have a connection. Otherwise the page just keeps buffering and it takes FOREVER to load.
@TheMichaelRock: My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.