@michaeljhudson: "I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed" -haunted house designer
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@DanMentos: "Hello, 911” Hi it's Mickey my dog is hurt bad “Is it Goofy or Pluto?” I don’t see how- “Goofy or Pluto?” Pluto “Call a vet” *hangs up*
@MomOfTeen: Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote "we'll deliver your load on time" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter.