@michaeljhudson: "I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed" -haunted house designer
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@chris_isloi: So apparently "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!" isn't of much use when dealing with armed cops.
@ariscott: Social media: We're getting rid of chronological order. Everyone: NO! SM: Cool, right?! Everyone: NO! SM: Glad you're excited!
@Ideal_Victoria: Oh… Oh dear… it looks like my grandmother’s embroidered pillow may have stolen your tweet.
@AlanFelyk: Her: I’m done with you and everybody who looks like you. Me: What did Wilford Brimley ever do to you?