@michaeljhudson: "I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed" -haunted house designer
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@mynameisntdave: POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: so what exactly did the "shapeshifter" look like? [the easel makes a throat-slitting gesture] ME: ...I dont remember
@badbanana: URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY "NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY" PLEASE SAY YES.
@DanMentos: [taking FRIENDS quiz] 7. Which character do you most identify with? Ross 8. Which is your least favorite character? Ross
@LMHPhotog: *bursts into room Me: GUYS! GUYS! I FOUND A UNICORN Guys: Yeah sure,show us then! *holds up single kernel of corn *gets violently beaten