@TheJamieLee: I want a pen pal! Like a pen I can really talk to.
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@Molly_Kats: The second I get shampoo in my eyes, I'm 100% sure there's a murderer in my bathroom.
@trevso_electric: Ask your Doctor if Adderall can help you vigorously scrub your floors and alphabetize your clothing instead of studying.
@dubiousgenius: Then they came for the bins, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bin man, and they were, and that was their job.
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"