@RafflesWord: I want cake, to get cake I must get dressed, to get dressed I have to get out of bed, to get out of bed I need cake.
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@dreamthievin: No clean Tupperware today, so I brought my yogurt to work tied up in a condom. No longer allowed to use the employee fridge.
@lovemyboots111: How do you know your man is cheating? When he drives by her place the wifi connects
@squirrel74wkgn: [tearing off our clothes] Her: I want you. Take off your shoes. *kicks flip-flop through her TV*