@rage_chaos: I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
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@JakeNicholas: There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase.
@KeetPotato: [my dog lays down on my date's lap instead of mine] date: "i had a good time tonight" me: "i think you need to leave"
@ThisOneSayz: *on phone* He: so where is this going, babe? Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can't hear you...reception's bad!!
@lazerdoov: Gramma gramma gramma gramma gramma chameleon she's old and cold she's old and coooooold