@d_haggar: I want this election to be over so badly you'd think it was a friend's play.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@IAmKatieOrr: "Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
@ElleOhHell: "Dumb as a bag of hammers" is kind of a stupid comparison because it's actually quite a clever way to carry several hammers at once.
@msdanifernandez: Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
@davedittell: they say if you love something let it go but tell that to my dead husband I dropped into a volcano from this helicopter and he'd disagree