@shadygeekdad: I want to be a host at a restaurant so if someone asks for a booth I can yell, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!"
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@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@fixyourcompass: My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'. I said: May divorce be with you...
@Carbosly: WOW! SNOWING EVERYWHE.... it stopped. OMG IT'S STARTING AGAIN AND... nvrmind. HERE IT IS AGAIN, WEEE...its gone. - Snow globe, the story.
@Tuna_Lover: Things to get done: Make coffee, Drive a train high on cocaine, Rent a lion to eat my neighbor's dog, clean up mess from that lion thing.