@WHEREISWALTJNR: I want to be featured on the news and the caption below me to read *unintelligible screaming*.
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@Jacob_Swift16: Stephen Hawking calculates the properties of the universe from a wheelchair and I'm googling how to get paid without leaving my house
@EndhooS: Wife "WHY ARE THERE MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE HALL?" [Me while trying to push a zebra up into the attic] Must be that damn dog again...
@AristotlesNZ: Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp" vs "I cashier at KFC"