@Brianhopecomedy: I want to be important enough to receive a phone call, say one word, hang up and having the end result being something blown up.
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@whatkylasaid: We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we're grilling our neighbor's cat.
@jwoodham: Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
@proEXgirlfriend: People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I'm allowed to raise my cat however I want.