@Caissie: I want to be rich enough to tell the Chipotle cashier, "Guacamole is NO OBJECT!"
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@CarolinaSong: I'm at the bar & I'm trying to convince this girl with a leopard print shirt to go & bite this girl with a zebra print shirt.
@FunnyCauseImFat: My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself "I run this house"
@PetrickSara: Brushing my daughter's hair Me: Why is your hair SO tangled? 5: I don't know. Glue maybe? Me: Did you put glue in your hair? 5: Yes.