@HammerFist3: I want to buy a Prius because I plan on driving off of a cliff & I don't want to make too big of an explosion & kill squirrels or turtles
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@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.
@sara_ashlynn: My husband is out w/friends & I'm at home w/the kids. I'm going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed.
@UncleBob56: Wife: What's your fantasy? Me: It involves your mom. W: Your disgusting! M: W: What is it? M: I always wished she'd taught you how to cook.
@TheRealRHB: Feeding some weed to the turkey so it will already be baked when we kill it... Will save sooo much time !