@JustinSayne722: I want to grow my own food but I can't seem to find any bacon seeds anywhere.
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@Mike_Vanatta: My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she's all, "Stop it, you're driving too fast! We're on a bridge!"
@david8hughes: [son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why are you in such a bad mood? 5-year-old: I haven't had my coffee. Me: You've never had coffee. 5-year-old: Exactly.
@SouthernStylin1: The part of my boyfriend is now being played by what appears to be a memory of a time he said brb