@johncheese: I want to hire someone to wake me up each morning by bursting into my room and yelling, "Get dressed and grab your gun -- they found him."
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@FlyJ_: I almost crashed into the semi in front of me while I was looking at a hot construction worker. That would've been an embarrassing obituary.
@NoogsCorner: Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth. Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that. Me: Go home.
@metafroth: How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.