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@matt___nelson: I want to meet the individual who made this
@amydillon: "How do you find anything in here?!"
-my mugger, giving my purse back
@briancthayer: Kids, eat your vegetables.
*reluctantly, they eat*
[2 hrs later]
*I eavesdrop on their convo*
Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain.
@UNTRESOR: Not to brag, but I can usually tell if meat has spoiled between 4-6 hours after eating it.
@daplusk: "AAAAHH EARTHQUAKE!
Oh good, now it is snowing"
- If I lived in a snow globe.
@Vodkantots: My signature move is illegal in 37 states.