@samalmightysam: ''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning.
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@doctorveritas: "It's possible to touch birds!" I say suddenly. My coworkers stare at me. I wander outside to touch some birds.
@Prof_Hinkley: [emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No
@AverageCorners: "Grab a Pop Tart!" I tell my kids as I'm mixing up the dogs' breakfasts of organic, grain-free dog food with Greek yogurt and $85 vitamins.
@TheMichaelRock: Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house.