@samalmightysam: ''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning.
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@darinlovesbacon: My kid asked me where babies came from and I was like "Dude, ask your Mom. I still can't figure out why Garfield talks and Odie doesn't."
@ericsshadow: My wife spent two weeks deciding what color to paint the bathroom. I got a cat on my 9th birthday and named it Cat.
@thatUPSdude: The show Hoarders is like a snooze button for cleaning your house, "My place isn't that bad, I can go another week"