@robyn_vo: I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill.
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@TheMichaelRock: Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night. Coworker: Wasn't the building alarmed? Me: Buildings don't get scared. CW.....
@MrEd_EVH: Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth. -thug life
@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@Rollinintheseat: Please, keep trying unsuccessfully to suck the snot back up in your nose instead of using a tissue. Everyone loves the noise you're making.